Bedroom Talk

Kids entering mom and dads bedroom?

Hi, I have a live in girlfreind and she has 2 kids, I have a problem with the kids comming in our bedroom, she seems to thinks its ok. but she understands that it makes me fell uncofortable and has stoped them from comming to our bed in the middle of the night with us. The girl is 4and her son is 6. A month ago her daughter open the door to the masterbedroom and saw me in the shower, and her son has caught me and their mom being intmete.twice in the last month. I told her they should stop comming in and she really got up set because she liks that cuddle time, but Im scared there are going to see something the dont need to. She thinks Im trying to take something from her, and all I want is the kids to not come to our bed as often. I like my time with her too. any suggestions? thanks.

Public Comments

1. Electrify the door handle.
2. well sit down and talk about it say you dont feel comfy with kids walking in on you in the shower and things like that.
3. Tell her your just worried they are gonna see something they shouldn't at such a young age. As to put a lock on the door lock it when you guys plan on doing something or when your in the shower, if you hear the door knob move then yes you will open the door but its just best the door doesn't come flying open to some things. Be honest with her, it seems like you are trying to protect the kids not just be a jerk. good luck!!!
4. i agree with you on this one, she needs a kind reminder that kids will grow up scarred for life from seeing things as a child. just tell them that they need to knock first so that they learn manners and also she will get her cuddle time but they wont be coming in when you all are.. well you know. lol good luck :]
5. We lock out door when we want privacy. Then open it to sleep at night in case one of the kids has a nightmare and just for safety reasons.
6. before the kids go to bed let them cuddle with their mom on the sofa with a blanket for a while. put a lock on your bedroom door and when you are going to get intament with your girlfriend lock it, this way there will be no more interuptions.
7. Its hard because shes a parent and wants to have that openness with her children especially since they are young and it doesnt last for long, however i can see where you are coming from completely. Have you thought about when the 2 of you are 'being intimate' or spending time together in the bedroom you could lock the door? Or have a talk with the kids and explain to them that when the door is closed they cannot come in, but if its open they can.. this shows them that there is a time and a place. A mothers bed is always open for her children when they are scared or lonely in the middle of the night and thats just how being a mother is, but i think if you tell the children not to enter when the door is closed or lock the door it should solve the major part of the problem.
8. Lock the bathroom door when you're showering. Lock the bedroom door when you're dressing or being "intimate" with your girlfriend. Insist that when the door is closed, everyone (not just the kids) has to knock and wait for permission to enter. If she really wants this cuddle time, she can go cuddle with them in their room.
9. maybe suggest a special time where the whole family can get together, so that she still gets her time with them. and explain to her you feel uncomfortable with them walking in on you unexpectedly
10. I definitely agree with you. Its ok if she wants to cuddle in the living room or something with you, but the bedroom is a private place that should be shared only with you and her. You are totally right and should stand your ground and help her realize that. Good luck and I really hope she comes around.
11. you say dad in your main question. then live-in girlfriend and they are her 2 kids. Put a small slide lock on the inside of the bedroom door. You and girlie need to teach the kids to knock first, and mom can go to the door and cuddle with them in their room.
12. you didn't say these were your kids, you said they were hers. So obviously you have issues there. it normal for little children to be in and out of the bedroom, and yes come into the bathroom when your in the shower. If you need time to be intimate, then you lock the door, then unlock it after. it seems to me that you just want a friend with benefits, not a family. If your so uncomfortable, then maybe she shouldn't be living there.
13. compromise. lock the door when you are doing anything you don't want them to see. let her have time with them when you aren't and make sure everyone is dressed. just cause you see her as girlfriend you need to remember she is also a mother and those kids should be her priority.
14. Get a lock for the door. My hubby and I have 4 kids. We leave our door open and the kids are welcome but if our door is closed (and locked) mommy and daddy are either changing or "talking privately" Later we open the door again so if they need us through the night or anytime we are there. If the door is locked and they need us they can knock. We get lots of cuddles and have boundaries and privacy too.
15. In my opinion, you are entitled to that time alone with her once you are in your own room together. If she wants to cuddle with her kids, which is fine, she should go to their rooms and do it prior to them going to bed and then the rest of the evening should be for the two of you. Children need bounderies and need to be taught to respect adult privacy. You are not being unreasonable with your request. Perhaps you should suggest she spend some private time alone with her kids before she puts them to bed. That should prove to her that you are not wanting to take anything away from her. She needs to be willing to compromise with you as well and to make sure that the two of you don't neglet each other and make time for intimacy as a couple. Good luck to you!
16. You need to explain to your wife, that no, you are not trying to take them away from her. Say that they are getting to the age as to where they do not need to visit you guys and that your are uncomftorable with them walking in on you showering and getting intamite. You guys can watch movies, go to the park, and other things in daylight so that you have "cuddle"time with them. You may want to talk to the kids about this issue as well saying things like"we need alone" time. If worst comes to worse, i would put locks on your doors.
17. Your girlfriend needs to grow up and be a parent, and start teaching her kids some rules about common courtesy in the home. Even kids who are as young as these children are can be taught manners and be taught to knock before they enter a private area like a bedroom or bathroom. You need to have a serious discussion with your partner and let her know that this behavior is unacceptable and must STOP, or she and her children will be living elsewhere. You are right to be concerned about the kids seeing you in the shower or in a state of undress at other times- that is not normal or healthy, especially since you are not their dad. The children should also NOT be sleeping in your room or your bed- they are MUCH TOO OLD for that, and if the authorities ever find out about it, you AND your girlfriend could be charged with child sexual abuse and molestation. Since you obviously want to avoid this, then you need to put your foot down and make it clear that this behavior must be stopped. If your gf wants to enjoy cuddle time with her kids, she can do it in the living room or family room with the kids, BEFORE bedtime. Apart from all this, it sounds to me as though your gf has some real issues with insecurity and self-esteem which she needs to work through. Have you ever considered telling her to see a therapist? It's not normal that she seems to use her kids as an excuse to avoid intimacy with you- or that she doesn't want to be responsible enough to insist that the children develop appropriate sleep habits. Kids this age need to be sleeping through the night, in their OWN BEDS, and by allowing her children to sleep with her or with you, she is setting them up for a LIFETIME of problems, both physical and emotional. Another thing- where is the childrens' father in all this? How come he isn't involved in these kids' lives? Is he even aware of what his ex is doing with them, and if so, why hasn't he stepped in and put a stop to this situation? In my mind, it's questionable whether or not these children should even be living with their mother, as long as she is displaying such unhealthy and damaging tendencies towards them. If this behavior of hers continues, I would definitely get in touch with the kids' father, and I would also contact CPS and report what is going on to them. Your gf needs help, and so do her children. What is going on here is NOT a normal or healthy situation. There is too much potential for abuse, particularly sexual abuse, in it- and if you don't want to end up taking the fall for your gf, then you need to be prudent and do something as soon as possible. Good luck.
18. She thinks Im trying to take something from her. That sentence says alot. Does she look at these kids as property? If the natural father is in the picture he has an interest too. If you are planning a life with her then you have an equal say on the rules here. At their ages the children should be learning to sleep alone. There is plenty of time to cuddle before their bed time.
19. You definitely need to come to a compromise on this issue, preferably on your side. Mom and her kids are simply used to an open door policy and you're used to complete privacy. Neither is right or wrong, just what you're used to and comfortable with. But in the interests of marital (or shacking up) intimacy, you must be assured of privacy during love-making time. It's not fatal that they should see you showering or having sex with Mommy, but best that they not. Until the kids learn to accept the new rules and respect yours and Mommy's privacy, it would be best to latch the bedroom door. If Mom can't accept this change in the house rules, you may have a much bigger problem on your hands and might have to re-think the future of your relationship with her. At the least, you should consider marriage (or couples) counselling. Maybe an expert can help Mom see the light.
20. she is probably feeling like you are trying to come between her and her kids, but she doesn't realize that something her children see between the 2 of you could be traumatic for them in the future. be firm in how you tell her that while you obviously are ok with her children (or else you wouldn't be with her) you are not ok with them coming in and seeing you in the buff or during your intimate time. you don't want the kids to see you having sex at their ages. you don't know how they will react. it's ok if she wants to cuddle and play with the kids in her bed (we do with our baby) but there is a time for the kids to be in there, and it's not when you two (or even one of you) is naked.
21. perhaps you could get the kids to have a cuddle with there mum in there bed before they go to bed and then when you go to bed with there mum that cuddle time has finished and they must go to bed, get your gf to agree to this to, eventually they'll get used to it and they wont see you as the bad guy
22. Have cuddle time before they go to bed, then lock the door when you guys get Intimate and then open the door while you're asleep so you can keep an eye on the kids.
23. i hate that, im 14 my mom has a boyfriend.. and i still like to go up to her room and watch movies with her sometimes.. if her boyfriend ever had a problem with me going in her room id tell him to buy his own house, take her in his bedroom and then he can tell me i cant go in the bedroom. other then that he cant tell me not to go in her room when i want to.
24. Explain to her, that this is something that truly troubles you and try to be calm and clear about it. Locking the door at night, or at least putting something that makes a sound should at least be an option put on the table. As for health wise, some tribes have only a single small hut, without bed sheets obviously, and some of these allow parents to have sex in front of their children frequently and the children turn out fine. So it isn't harmful for them to see something.
25. not trying to be mean or anything.. don't tke it the wrong way but maybe you should get intimate when the kid aren't around.. lock the door? wait untill they are completly asleep hey, its worth a shot
26. their little! thats not fair to take their mommy away from them. if you didnt want kids around ALL THE TIME then you shouldnt date someone who has them .
27. Hmmm....Im worried, you wouldnt molest the kids?