Bedroom Talk

At My wits end! How to get these kids to respect their belongings?

I have twins, 7 year old girls. They'll be 8 in Dec. Anyway, we were fortunate enough until last year to give them just about everything that a couple of little girls could want. They have a ton of toys, video games, movies, and even have 2 computers in their bedroom. They have a hamster in their room as well. Anyway, we are not so fortunate now as my husband lost his job. The girls have always abused their personal belongings. I want them to have nice things , so I replace them. They continually trash their room putting hamster food and water in their kitchen set and in their rug. They constantly have papers and toys all over the floor. Their dolls are colored on. Their dvd collection only half works because they just throw the dvds on the floor or wherever when they're done watching them. I put them to bed and when I go in their room to check on them, I find them sneaking back over to the bed.

Public Comments

1. Sounds like you need to have a serious purge. Get rid of anythig not age appropriate, anyhting that is missing more than 1/2 its parts, anything that has been underplayed with. Take what reamins and divide it into 2-3 plastic tubs, keep one in the room and 2 in the garage. Every few months, switch the tubs, they will enjoy playing with the forgotten toys. The rule in my house is, if you abuse and break a toy, dvd etc, we don't replace it. If it breaks on its own (cheap toys or seriously overloved toys), or if a visiting friend or cousin breaks it then we can get a new one. There have been some tears, but it has made my son respect his belongings. p.s. Put the hamster in another room. Kids under 10 are usually very irresponsible with pets, he will be better off in the family room.
2. set rules and limits, simple ones for now... tell them if they cant take care of their toys then they will be taken away. if you ask them to clean something up and they dont explain to them that if you have to clean it up then they will not have that toy to play with anymore until they can learn to take care of what they do have
3. I have a rule with my son - it is the 'naughty boy cupboard'. Every time I catch him mistreating his things or being naughty I take his favourite toy and make him put in into a cupboard and it stays there for a reasonable length of time, he has to earn it back. Once he scratched my car with a stone (he was drawing on it!) and we took everything from his room and put it into the garage. it works believe me. Also we dont buy anything too expensive - kids are kids at the end of the day. my son gets more enjoyment when I make things from cardboard for him - a kennel for his toy dogs is favourite at the mo! I also 'rotate' toys - I dont let him have everything in one go, evey month or so I swap stuff around so he is constantly amused - I think it sounds like your kids may have too much, the less the better sometimes. Good luck xxx
4. #1...Quit replacing things that they break. They need to learn that if they break a toy or DVD it is gone for good. They will never learn to respect their belongings, your's or anyone elses if you don't instill this in them now. When they sneak out of bed put them back. Ground them. Take the computers out of their rooms. What does a 7 year-old need their own computer for...especially in their bedroom? They should use the family computer with supervision only. Take the dolls that they have colored on and toss them in the garbage. Let them see you doing this and if they cry or scream tell them that when they can respect their belongings that you MIGHT think about buying them a new one.
5. First and foremost, they are children being children. Second, spank their asses. Third, take all of their things away and then give it back gradually as they EARN them. Fourth, you're probably too late. Should have taught them how to respect their belongings when they were 3. Now whatever you do, they'll think you're an evil, awful, hateful step parent. Have a blast.
6. Stop replacing the toys! Yes, they'll be upset and throw fits about this at first. eventually, they'll have no choice but to get with the program and start treating their things better. You can even warn them upfront. Tell them that you want them to take better care if their things, and from now on, if they don't and it gets damaged, no new toy. They'll probably test it, so you'll have to stay strong.
7. well the thing is u spoiled them.. like u said u wanted them to have nice things (yes i agree.. we want our children to have all the best things that we can afford).... and judging by the way they treat and abuse their belongings is something.. i wud suggest that u stop buying them things or replacing them until they learn the proper way of caring for them... otherwise u'll just be spending more and more money...
8. First of all, stop spoiling them!! Giving them everything they want will just make them not respect what they have, hence treating it like crap. If they only get stuff as a reward or for a birthday or christmas, then it will seem more special. I have a friend who bought whatever her son wanted, which at one time was 3 different x-boxes because he wanted the thing in 3 different colors!! Does that make sense to you? If it does, you also have a problem. If it doesn't, then you need to start looking at what you are doing to your own kids. And that's setting them up for failure when they get older. Hasn't anyone learned from Paris Hilton?!?!? She's gotten anything she's ever wanted and more, and she doesn't respect a damn thing!!! Will she ever??? If your girls break something, oh well. And if they treat something like crap, take it away and eventually give it back, but with a condition. If they mistreat it again, it's gone for good. It'll be tough now, but it'll be better for them in the long run. Plus, i'm against tv's in kids rooms anyway. I am a grown woman and my darn tv keeps me from going to bed at a reasonable hour, and i know better! Not to mention my computer... :)
9. stop buyingthem new stuff if they have to much. put all their toys away and let them only play with 1 each. and yea you have to be firm. no matter how much they whine and cry dont give in to them
10. First get them to respect you. Take away anything they destroy, do not replace it- they don't deserve anything new if they break their things. Teach them there is VALUE in things being kept nice. Tell them that if they don't take care of X it is going to be trash or that you are going to give it to someone who will take care of it. If you need the money tell them if they won't be nice to them you will take them and then hold a garage sale with their toys. They'll learn, it will take you to not give in and give them what they want. If they write on something, make them clean it off. If they throw dvd's- warn them that if they throw them you will take them away. Make them clean up their messes- if you don't you'll do a great disservice to them, as later in life they will continue this lack of respect. Which will also be harder for you when they become teens.
11. I don't really have any great answer for you,I just wanted to say that I have a 4 year old that I have done this with, buying him too much. He also doesn't take care of anything. This is more my fault than his as he is only 4 ! But, he will be the same as your 7 yr olds in a few yrs if I can't curtail it now. I agree alot with the first poster that a good purge of anything unnecessary will get rid of alot of clutter . (I do this from time to time anyway) Do you guys have a Goodwill or shelter there ? If so, make your daughters help you bag up anything they don't play with or even take care of and have them go in with you to drop it off. Maybe if they could see that there are some kids who aren't as fortunate as they are ? Or a good garage sale.You could make some of your money back ! LOL To hear your frustration makes me so aware that my problem with my son has to be handled soon. Kids are given way too much anymore so how can we expect them to appreciate anything ? I am sincerely sorry yor husband lost his job BTW. Good luck to you. I hope someone offers up a good solution because I will be trying it too !
12. Quit buying them nice stuff. Make them work around the house or something to buy their own nice things. Kids won't respect their belongings until they worked for the money and bought it themselves. It's just the way it is. and when you are giving them nice stuff over and over, you are spoiling them. That's making it worse. Make sure they have food, clothes, and a roof over their head. Toys, dvds, etc are materialistic and not needed. If they don't respect that stuff, then the only way they should get it is if they work for it. And no, they aren't too young. If they are, they can wait a few years without anymore materialistic stuff.
13. Write out a list of chores since you are blessed with two this should be fun. Write out everything you can think of and then go back and focus on what is important to you. Sit your girls down and say I want _______. Express how they have hurt YOUR feelings and that you would like some appreciation. Slowly ease them into a routine. Wake up, brush, eat, get dressed and off to school. Come home put shoes, bags, coats, away so on and so on. Make sure to set a bed time, they need to be in their room not in front of the TV. You really have to be detailed this way they fully understand and if they dont follow your rules then punishment is on the horizon. You have to be consistent like you were with buying the new toys and replacing them. Also dont forget to have a moment with them everyday no one is promised tomorrow and this way if you do live to be 100 you will have lots of great memories. Respect for you is what is mainly wrong here and you have to put them back in line. Good luck.
14. Have them help clean the room from top to bottom. Then have a family meeting where you tell them that anything found out of place will be thrown away and never replaced. After that conversation, you have to STICK TO IT. When they start complaining that they're bored, you can remind them, "How sad it is that you couldn't take care of your things."