Bedroom Talk

How do you discipline your kids when they are really bad?

I have a sister who is a single mom with 3 kids. 2 girls-ages 13 & 11, and 1 son thats 3. She asked me to stay with her for awhile since she has an extra bedroom and it would financially beneficial to both of us. Well after being there for a month, because no adult wasn't home before the 13 yr old thinks that she is grown and challenges EVERYTHING that anyone says besides her mother.The 11 yr old is very sneaky and rebellious. Lies constantly. Both r disrespectful. The 3 yr old is spoiled rotten. Will throw a fit anywhere, anytime. I can handle the 3 yr old. He's a boy and i set a standard with him early. But the 2 teenagers are beyond me. I don't know if its puberty or what.They constantly fight each other, doing just what's needed in school and around the house. Their mother told me I need to smack them upside their head. I don't believe in spanking kids. But i really don't know what to do, besides raising my voice. They are becoming immune to that, because they know its all talk

Public Comments

1. If they talk back to you or lie to you use the old soap in the mouth trick. ( I know some people disagree with that). and if they already figured out that it is all talk maybe you should let actions speak with your words.
2. Okay sorry to be blunt, but beat your kids, not insanly not with all your force, not with a weapon, but put sume fear into them, you should now b4 there too old to and they have no respect when it comes to what they want and for the three year old just dont give em what he wants and let em cry, after hes done he;ll learn he cant get whatever he wants
3. Yelling at them never works and you shouldn't yell. Its too late to start smacking them. The family should get some counseling before things get even worse. There is still hope for this family.
4. Unfortunately, at that age it is to late to use corporal punishment to achieve good lasting behavior. Try setting up consequences to their actions. Ex: You'll have your bed made and room clean prior to breakfast, or you'll spend all morning doing the laundry. Then enforce it.
5. You need to find out what they love and take it away (i.e. video games, phone, computer, TV). I'd also recommend that you have them volunteer in the neighborhood. I've found that volunteering often brings out the best in kids. Finally, kick up the chores a notch and don't let them slide on getting them done. It's time they learned to help out more.
6. discipline in my home is well respected. words hurt more than a slap. a slap hurts for a few seconds words stick. i never slap or shout or scream at them i sit them down tell them whats what and how its going to be and that's the end of that one. i was brought up from a family of 10kids we respect our elders and my children follow that also .Treat all has you like to be treated.
7. You know what? I would discipline them like i do my 2 year old. Naughty step. They want to act childish, then so be it. My dad did that to me and my sister. Had to sit facing the corner of the wall for 12 minutes. It was so degrading. I was hardly naughty at that age after that.
8. Their mother needs to realize what path she is letting her kids go down. I was the same way, until my dad left me flat on my ass when I was 14. I had to pay for everything on my own, find a way to make money, find a place to live, and in CO (where im from) you have to be enrolled in school until you are at least 16. Then he brought me downtown and started talking to all the bums, and asking how they became homeless, and then one showed us how to get "the good stuff" off of the top of the dumpster. That sure scared me straight. Her girls just need to have a litte fear put into them and some stright rules, not just guidelines.
9. this is difficult for you to step in and discipline these kids when the mom isnt doing it.. its goign to be really hard.. I would let them know the consequences of there behavior .. and then when they misbehave I would do the consequence.. the best thing i have found is take the play station for three days,,, on an 8 year old boy this works very well,, on a girl I would say music.. or phone.. or tv.. then when they calm down and behave.. they get it back.. I would say three days is good...
10. The bottom line is that it is not your responsibility to discipline these children. It is something that your sister has to set her mind to and execute on a consistent basis. It sounds like these children need attention and a lot of firm guidance from their mother. All the yelling will not work, you are not their mother. My suggestion for you would be to tell them calmly that their behavior is not acceptable and tell them that you will not interact with them when they act like that. If they want something from you (attention or help) then they need to ask in the correct way. Spend time with them privately one on one asnd ask them what you can do to help them. If you make them trust you and have them understand that you are focused on their best interests, you may have a chance to get through to them. In regards to the 13 year old thinking that she is an adult, she has been treated like one and has assumed that role. Perhaps if you treat her like an adult and explain to her how adults act, you can join forces to make things better. The more that you challenge them, yell, hit, fight, whatever - the worse it is going to get.
11. It is partly their age and lack of supervision. Also, even being family, if you previously weren't close, now that you are in the home, they might see you as an "outsider". They are probably acting out even more since you are there and whether they realize or not, they are testing the boundaries. Beating the teenagers will not work. Words should never be said in anger or in a way that can't be backed up. Punishment should be reasonable for the offense. Everyone should treat each other with respect. Of course this needs to be earned by all parties involved. It will take time. You will have to be consistent with the discipline and privileges. Their mother also must be in agreement. Start small. Don't expect them to be perfect angels within a month. It took years for them to develop their bad habits, it will take a while to correct their behavior. Most important is to be consistent, action/non-action = privilege/punishment. Mean what you say and say what you mean.
12. I find that when they do more serious things it's good to sit them down and explain why they did wrong and what is a better thing to do instead. options help. i think also giving consequences and taking away what they like or some priviledge would be helpful too. also keeping them busy with chores around the house that you can do with them or supervise so you can talk and get a chance to speak with them and see what's going on inside. probably counseling could be a good start to getting the family to communicate better and open up. also though, give them things to do or something in the community where they can give their focus, maybe play on a team, or volunteer, cause that can change their perspective on things and get them to focus on things positively and not negatively.
13. A technique I have used for years is to have them make a list as to why what they are doing is wrong. I started a bit earlier then 11, but it should still work. They go to their room and they can come out when they have a list prepared. Then we talk about the list. Mine are now 16 & 17 and their assignments have evolved into essays. Because they are REALLY difficult, it will be hard at 1st, they WILL rebel. On the 1st few occsions be happy with even 2 things on the list. The important thing is that they need to be written down, which makes them think about what they are writing. After you get the list, look over it with them. Be sure you tell them thank you for putting thought into the reasons their behavior is not acceptable. As you progress through this it WILL get easier. And the items on the list will be more thoughtful. Over time switch from 2 items on the list to 3, to 4, etc This lesson teaches morals and acceptable behavior. It can be really hard to see your behavior in writing. It makes it more real. Lastly, be sure to follow this rule too. If you get out of hand and yell at them - make them a list and post it on the fridge. I shouldn't have yelled because: It is not an effective way to communicate It is disrespectful etc
14. Try to embraras them. Like giving them tea with a nasty surprise. Try making them eat jokeshop sweets. It may seem like play but it works!
15. Ok well not to break the theme of this question or anything but DO NOT use physical force with these children. Instead of just threatening, go through with it. If you tell them that if they don't shape up you will send them to their room do it. Take away things like the phone, tv, computer etc. Girls that age will respond to this. If they can't talk to their friends or hang out with their friends that will hurt them more than a spanking any day.