Bedroom Talk

Is it unreasonable for me to want his old stuff out, and our new stuff in?!?

My boyfriend and I have been dating almost a year, and known each other for nearly 3. We were in love at first sight, but were living different lives when we first met. So now that we are together everything is wonderful. He was generally a "wild child" as some say, and had his share of girls. Me on the other hand, well he is my first, everything. We have talked about marriage and we do plan on getting married. So my question is we have been living together for almost 8 months and there are some things I want gone. I don't want to be unreasonable about it though. The main thing that I want gone is his bed or even the whole bedroom set. He had been with a "previous" girl in that bed and so I told him that I would like to get another one eventually. Since this is the first one that he bought himself, he said he wants to keep it for when we get a spare room in our house. Its a nice bed andhe could sell it, but I just want to get rid of things from the past, and "us" get things to share.

Public Comments

1. It's a little unreasonable, to be honest. I can understand wanting to get rid of an ex's thong or pictures, but a bed? I see your point, but one, he's not with those girls anymore (if he wasn't your first, you'd have a bed with history too) and two, beds are pretty expensive. Getting rid of it is a little excessive; let it stay in the guest room. Plus, there is always the possibility, however small, that you break up and thus one of you is without a bed. Buy new sheets for now, something to make the bed more "us" than "him". Wait until after you're married to get "us" things; you can use the wedding gift money to buy a whole new bedroom set and maybe by that point, he'll be willing to part with the bed he has now.
2. It's not unreasonable to want it, but maybe a little unreasonable to insist on it. I suggest buying a new mattress as a compromise. After all, any action took place on the mattress, not the frame. I understand wanting things to be "ours" and not "his" but remember that things are just things and a bed is a big piece of furniture. If her picture is not taped to the headboard, I wouldn't worry about it. You have him now, you guys are in love, and a few pieces of wood and some nails should not get in the way of that. Get a new mattress, put the old bed in the guest room when you can, and stop focusing on it.
3. You can not change the furniture with each relationship. It is not about who was in that bed, it is about who is in it now. Buy some new sheets and comforter and make that bed yours! Same with the funriture, put your own personal touch, buy some candles, or what ever is you. Make your own memories. He sees the bed as something he saved up for and paid for. I just went through this about a year ago and I honestly can say you will stop thinking of her when you put your own personal touch to the decoration and make your own memories. No need to try to make those memories, they will just happen and you will look back one day and wonder why this even bugged you.