Bedroom Talk - I need ideas for ways to calmly deal with a 5 year old rebel?!?

I need ideas for ways to calmly deal with a 5 year old rebel?!?

My 5 year old has turned into a rebel this passed month. When he gets in time-out he throws toys, kicks, and screams at the top of his lungs things like, "I don't like you anymore!" or "I want to live somewhere else!" When he has to go to his room for continual disobedience he rips the blankets off his bed and moves the bedroom furniture around. I am at my wits end, I have tried two or three different approaches to handling this. Spanking him works sometimes but not every time. Some times that just makes him scream and yell for a longer period of time. This is completely unlike my son, he has never acted this way until the last few weeks. He was always a quiet, sweet kid. He will be starting Kindergarten in the fall and I wonder if he has some anxiety about that.. but that can't be the whole problem. I have already talked to him that Kindergarten will be fun. Suggestions? I have never dealt with something like this before.

Public Comments

Consult a child psycologist
smack him over the head couple of times..
Sit him down and talk to him about his behavior. Ask him why he is so angry? If this doe snot work, I would consult a Therapist. I think sometimes their are things that children don't understand. And anger is one of them. Try and help him redirect his anger in a positive direction.
With this being a new behavior, I wouldn't think it was a psychological problem or an issue of discipline. Could it be a food allergy?? Take him to the Dr or allergist. Try and keep a diary of everything he eats. I saw something on television one time about a child that was a terror and he was allergic to things like wheat and I forget what else.
i have a 9-6-4 year old all girls, so i am sorry i cant give you any advice about boys. but what works for my girls, is a nose on the wall,flyswatter,and lots of firmness, and sometimes daddy`s belt comes in handy with threatning....... but be firm, have him do his time out in front of you so you know what he is doing at all times, good luck!!!! let me know how this turns out!!!! i am curious to know, momakamommy@yahoo.com
there must be someone that he learned all this manners from.. perhaps his neighbour,his cousins or even the adults at home... the worst is from TV program... i guess you should stop him from watching too "aggressive" TV program.. try sitting down with him with doing his favourite things... read a book to him.. slowly tame his attitude.. dont ever "whack" them cause they will get more rebellious
WOW YOU DO HAVE YOUR HANDS FULL. I HAVE TWO GIRLS 8 AND 3. MY YOUNGEST TRIES THE SAME STUFF BUT FOR HER IT IS JUST A FAZE AND WILL PASS. AS FAR AS YOUR LITTLE BOY IS CONCERNED THERE IS SOMETHING GOING ON WITH HIM IF IT IS TRUE THAT HE HAD NO BEHAVIORAL PROBLEMS UNTIL NOW. WHEN HE IS CALM TALK TO HIM ON HIS LEVEL AND TRY TO FIND OUT WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON WITH HIM. IN THE WOST CASE YOU SHOULD FIND OUT IF SOME ONE HAS ABUSED HIM OUT SIDE THE HOME. ALL YOU CAN DO AT THIS POINT IS TALK TO YOUR SON, HE IS ONLY 5 BUT HE CAN STILL HEAR YOU AND ANSWER YOU JUST THE SAME. UNTIL YOU FIND OUT WHAT THE DEAL IS WITH HIM CAN YOU COME UP WITH AN APPROPRIATE WAY OF DEALING WITH HIS MISS BEHAVING.
Please dont hit the kid.Look within.I have been a parent and teacher long enough to know its never the kids fault.Never.Thats what we must believe.He is too young.Think slow down and really spend time with him,be with him be his best friend.For severe cases I always use this rule"Ignore the negative" focus on the positive.
I'm no expert, but perhaps try this. Always, always, always, give your son a choice. Let him decide what he wants to do. The trick is, confine his choices to those that YOU know are good/safe for him. For instance, "you're in time-out now, son. If you sit there nicely and behave, time-out will end in 5 mins. If you throw your toys, time-out goes longer (an add'l 5 mins?)". Make sure he understands that it is his choice whether time-out is shorter or longer. He holds the power to make it short (by being nice) and he holds the power to make it long (by acting up). In other words, teach him what is good for him and what is bad for him, but always let him choose outcomes of situations based on the consequences of his actions. Soon he will learn what is good/bad and what he likes/dislikes and he will begin making the right choice(s). Talk about it being bad to throw stones at people, let him know he'll be punished if he does it, then if he throws them, remind him of the earlier conversation. Tell him if he continues to throw them, he'll be punished by (insert something he loses here). Tell him he can either stop throwing things, or he can lose his (desirable item or event) by continuing the bad action. I've seen other people do this quite effectively. Their children learn to make choices and to behave all in one "step". It's pretty impressive when it works. I think it works because the child doesn't constantly hear his parent telling him the way it is going to be. He no longer feels "oppressed" so to speak, and he feels more like he's actually making the decision. The only part that could be tricky is making sure the child doesn't get the idea that throwing a stone is worth trading for a dessert (or other desirable). Not sure how to prevent that situation, perhaps a 5-yr old won't think of it.
You have had some success with spanking. Children experiment. When the child saw the spanking work he decided to try to make it not work and see what you would do then. The problem all parents have is deciding their own stand on behaviour. You must realise that you're dealing with a MIND. It has to become obvious to him that rebellion is simply not worth the consequences he will pay. You are giving this person life training. When he finally leaves home there will be a consequence for every one of his actions. Many of those will come from people that have NO love for him. He saw that you gave up on what works. You have reinforced the idea that rebellion will succeed. It will be harder now. It takes 21 days to make a habit or to break one. You MUST be consistent. Even when you are tired. Tell him the behaviour you will not tolerate. Then make him believe that by doing what works. He is male and therefore is by nature more aggressive. Get control of him now and the teen years will be much easier. There will come an age when spanking will not work. You have years to observe and plan what will. Advice from psychologists will be as numerous as the number of them you consult. If they truly had answers there would be no delinquency in wards of the court.
it's very possible that your son is frustrated. he may not know how to express his feelings. another possibility is that he could have witnessed a new kid or another kid in daycare behaving that way. also, if he's not getting enough attention, that could also be the reason why he's behaving so violently... other than that, you might want to consider going to a professional, such as, a behavioral therapist and ask your questions there.
I suggest some type of reward chart. Every time he is good put a sticker on the chart but every time he is bad take a sticker off. And when he gets teh whole chart filled up give him a reward. It works well and I hope it works for you. Let us know. Thanks
well dont get angry with your child. if they see you are getting upset...they will get upset. so stay calm. i dont believe time outs are the best idea either or spanking your child. i think you need to talk to your child tell him it is ok to have feelings, but to talk about them instead of getting angry. and if he chooses to take away something he really enjoys like a toy, or that 20 minutes of tv before bed something so that he can understand and then when he does something good reinforce it by telling him you really liked the way he handled that and your proud of him etc...
Are there any big changes in the home (new baby, move, family issues)? If so, give him lots of extra love. It could be that he is starting a new school and is feeling anxious about it. Some children have a very hard time with change and transitions. Support him as much as possible. Take him to the school several times before he starts. He can see where the classrooms are and play on the playground. Tell him he is so lucky because he is going to be a big kid. Keep up the upbeat attitude! When he says things like "I don't like you anymore" or "I want to live somewhere else" don't give it a lot of weight. Just say "I'm sorry you feel that way." When he is calm, talk with him about his feelings. Empathize with him. "I can tell that really upsets you. I can see that you are (angry, hurt, mad, frustrated)." He will learn to express himself rather that lash out. Time outs and spankings are a form of punishment, not discipline. They cause resentment and shame. This is why you son becomes so angry. Time outs are a way for you to control your child and not a way for your child to learn self-control. Logical and natural consequences are the best way to discipline a child. For example; when he spills his milk, he cleans it up. If he is destructive with a toy, the toy gets taken away until he is ready to be gentle with it. If he throws a tantrum, he gets ignored. If he wants to scream, he gets put into a place where he can scream until he's done. If he hurts you, walk away from him or put him in a place away from you until he is ready to stop hurting. Don't set a time limit. He returns when he is ready to behave. Taking away a toy or t.v. time when a child misbehaves are not logical consequences. Thank him when he changes the behavior "I appreciate when you (are gentle, listen...) Get creative. Let the punishment fit the crime. Use intrinsic motivators rather than extrinsic ("Good job! Stickers, candy) motivators. Say things like "You did that by yourself! You worked on that for a long time! You finished that puzzle by yourself! Look at how many colors you used on that picture! Look how high you climbed!" These phrases are great confidence builders. Set limits and follow through. "No" should mean it the first time you say it. Say "Yes" as much as possible. Offer choices, not chances. Be patient and consistent. If your son does not improve his behavior, I suggest you take him to a play therapist to get to the root of the problem. They can be very helpful. Good luck!