Bedroom Talk

Why do so many parents that are capable of giving to charity, don't?

I have 5 kids ages 13, 6, 4, 2 and 7 months (adopted recently). I enforce charity a lot! In the past year or 2, I've been apart of: - opening a daycare and afterschool program for children from poor, working families - bringing fun to kids in the hosptial - "adopt" 2 families for Christmas each year - providing a toy and cake for children in the shelter on their birthday - organizing a finance and parenting class for those in the local shelters - serve lunch every other Tuesday and Thursday at the soup kitchen - bring baby supplies to poor or teen parents - donate gently used baby and child bedroom sets to the parents moving to a house/apartment out of the homeless shelter (I donated 2 baby sets with crib, dresser, rocker, side table, and changing table and 5 child sets with a bed, dresser, toy box, night stand, and book shelf) -CURRENT: rasing clothes, toys, blankets, and supplies for children at an orphanage in Mexico I don't expect everyone to do this, but why not some? The place that I live has many "well-off" people that just toss brand new computers, bedrooms sets, and even clothes like well, they're old nobody will want them. I saw this happening with my next-door neighbor so I went over her house and asked her if I could bring her somewhere . We went 3 towns over, to a place with many poor people and children. I walked into the homeless shelter with bags of these clothes and they were screaming they were so happy. All name-brand: Hollister, Coach, Gap, Gymboree, etc. She now brings things over there all the time. I'm sorry, not ALL people, but a lot. I'm just daying tons of people I know and stuff. Maybe you do, and I appoligize if you do as well. I'm not looking for a pat on the back, it's a question!! Yes, the kids all do at my house (besides the 2 and 7 month old). The oldest does a lot of cancer and AIDS help. The 6 year old picks out her old toys and clothes to bring to the places with me. Then the 4 year old just tags along with me, and sees how lucky he is. I reliaze that, but a lot of them are young parents that ahave never really taken one. It doesn't been poor parents are bad people or whatever. They are not, obviously I don't think so. Yes, I am a part-time school social worker. EVERYTHING I DO IS LOCAL EXCEPT FOR THE ORPHANAGE. I know you would give too if you saw the pictures. The only things they have to play with are old boxes and bottles. HORRIBLE! And I'm bringing it, not shipping it. Sorry the 4 year old is a "she" not a "he" lol.

Public Comments

1. 1) How do you know the families are capable of doing it 2) How do you know they don't? I think it's great you do those things, but not everyone is able to dedicate so much of their time even though they would like to.
2. I agree. The people who have the money and CAN are usually the ones that dont. I am a single mother. I work full time of course and I'm definitely not rich by any means but we do pretty good for ourselves. I am a partner in hope for St Judes and a local charity as well. We do whatever we can to help, even my son just last night went through all his old toys and gathered a bunch to take "to the poor kids" he said. people need to teach their kids kindness and gratitue if we ever want this world to change. Great point you made!
3. Well, I give to two charities through payroll deduction, and I don't go around telling everybody, because my daughter is a single parent living at home working full time and going to college at night, so we are raising our grandson and my husband is already retired, so we don't have a lot of time to give, charity begins at home. You may not always see what others are giving.
4. ... because they weren't taught to give while raised as kids by their own parents. A lot of people also give to charity without mentioning it to anybody- ever! So, don't assume that people don't give just because no one knows about it. Continue being such a great giver, but experience the joy of it without thinking why others don't, because it's a personal choice.
5. Well it sounds like you do a lot of good work - are you a social worker? Cause just because someone is in a shelter doesn't mean they need parenting classes! WTH! that one is irritating to me and I am not even in a shelter. Being homeless doesn't mean you need parenting classes I am soo poor I could qualify for some of the help you give out but instead I leave that for the "really" poor people. And yes I give when I can but am obviously not as well off as you can can't do all those things in one year. Yeah send your money and supplies to Mexico after all what would an American child need those things for?
6. wow! that a lot of charity you are doing.
7. I know well-off people as well, and some just don't have time. So they put lots of stuff on the curb.
8. its certainly not easy to change one's mentality but you can help by setting a good example to those you came across daily. slowly they might be influenced indirectly.
9. b/c I think a lot of people have the mentality that i have. I'm going to take a wild guess here and say your a democrat. But I feel people need to really learn to help them self. I know there are people out there that can not help there situation, but i believe the vast majority of lower class and poor people put them selves in that position by makeing stupid desicions when they were younger (late teen early 20's). Let me explain how they put them selves in this positions In lower class areas, there special scolorships given out for any kid that proforms in the top 20% of his class, this kid get free tuition to a 2 year school, if they do well in that 2 year school they get a scorlorship to a 4 year school. all that would be for free and would give a person in any class the means to become middle class or higher. Now I see it that i went to college studied and landed my self in a pretty good job. Why is it my fault that people made stupid desicion about schooling, that i need to take the hard erened money i worked for to help them. And I know when reading this you think im an A-hole but its true i am totally against long term (5+ years) and people abuseing the system. But also i do and think it is good to donate old item and clothing to charity, but u can be for dam sure im not going to give my hard earned money. As you can see i have a republican mentality. Sorry all the spelling mistakes.
10. There are charities that just prefer money. Its more overhead to take in donations, and sort thru them - a lot of people drop off crap at goodwill. That said, people with jobs who can afford it, may opt for a giving program thru their work, where the money just gets cut from the paycheck. This makes it easier for taxes, record keeping etc. Thus, making my finances easier, gives me more time to spend with my own kids.
11. A lot of people who can afford to do so. And some dont. It can be a huge turn off to donate to charities or "sponsor" a needy family and then see the recipients in need pull up in a brand new car wearing designer clothing. I personally sponored a family for christmas last year. I bought over $800 in presents for 3 children at my kids school. I knew exactly who my doations were going to and it made it easier for me to buy for them. And those kids deserved a nice christmas. I wasnt so happy when i saw them December 28th buying a brand new computer and portable dvd player at a local store. Unfortunately people like that family make it hard to be generous. There are too many families truly in need and some who are just selfish. Now i will only sponsor families i know truly need it. I do still donate to the salvation army, food shelves, and local womens shelters as i am able because i know the people who use these services are in need (or i hope so) but being burnt makes it difficult.
12. There have been studies about what you can spend your money on that actually increases your happiness. Guess what the only answer is? Giving it away. Kudos to you for your substantial generosity. We do give to charity, but definitely don't give as much as we ought considering how generally fortunate we are. We do donate our time, as well, mostly to the schools, but again probably ought to do more. We also have extended family that's a lot worse off than we are and spend a significant amount of money to take care of them (if you count that we're fairly charitable, but I realize it's different when it's for family), and do things for neighbors, as well .... but again, it would hardly kill us to do more. I think I'm finally just coming up for air now that I don't have a child under 2 in the house for the first time in 9 years, and I think I (and probably some others) have been so obsessed with providing for my kids, my extended family, and the people I actually know that I've neglected what else I could be doing. I appreciate the nudge, though. There's not much point in being on this earth if you're not making some effort to make someone's life better.
13. I know a lot of parents that give to charity, and you probably do too, they're probably not the type to announce to everyone. I know I don't. From being a blood marrow donor, to giving money, to donating goods, no one knows I do this except my immediate family. Don't be so quick to judge.
14. I am sure alot of people donate by giving time or money or supplies, but most do it and aren't appearing to be "bragging" about it. That's good that you do that, but honestly, most families of that size that I know don't have the time to give that you do nor do they have the time to detail their life on the net. And I agree, most people in shelters don't need parenting and most shelters work with social service agencies and already offer these services.
15. Well kudos to everyone for doing what they do. I am a mother, not rich, but well off and I donate once a year, but dont announce it to everyone. I only give to the Childrens Cancer Research because I actually fell sorry for these kids. No offense but a lot of the children yes dont have it as well off because of there parents, but its the parents fault that they are not able to take care of them, unless they are sick or something. I personally would never donate to anyone else especially after reading all of these Questions on here about all these 14, 15, 16 year olds getting pregnant. Seriously why would I help them out when they should have been responsible enough to wait until they were able to provide for there children and not let all the hard working people out there trying to take care of there own family support them as all.
16. I think that a lot of people think they have to have a lot of money or things in order to give and don't realize that sometimes giving time is better than money. And they don't always realize that no matter what, they are more fortunate than someone. I grew up in a really poor family, but a very giving and loving family, and I started volunteering when I was about 8. I worked in food shelves, the "drop in center", helped people to arrange rides to doctors appointments, organized and held fund raisers for gay/lesbian/bi/tran dances for teens, and worked in a community center for people who were mentally ill. Now I volunteer time and materials to make costuming for a theater group. I do fund raisers for a place called David's House which is a place that parents can stay near by when their kids are in the hospital because 10 years ago when I had no money and my daughter was in the hospital dying, they let me and my fiance stay there for free and made sure we were fed and able to stay with our daughter until the end. And I don't understand why people seem to think that only "poor people" need charity - what about people who lose their homes in floods or fire? What about people who have cancer and need hundreds of thousands of dollars for treatment? What about children who lost both their parents to Katrina, or veterans who lost limbs along with the ability to work to protect to our country? I think it is incredibly ignorant to say that you don't donate because people need to help themselves because they made bad decisions in their life - are any of those things the result of a bad decision? Sorry, that's a little more ranting than I usually do, but I really hate it when people say things like that. Anyway, I think it's great that you are teaching your kids to be giving - I think if we all made a little effort to help one another out, the world would be a much nicer place.