Bedroom Talk

I think I'm going to kill my kids' friends.?

Not literally of course, but they're driving me crazy! They're 6-9 years old and my daughter is 5. They come over uninvited every day and ask for food and drink and paper to draw on. (My daughter has never been to their house even once.) I've had to start telling them no because they were eating all of our food, so now they try to sneak it. The paper is in my bedroom and just a few minutes ago I caught one of them sneaking in and taking some. I've caught them in my refrigerator too, and when they first started coming here they would tip over my furniture and pull cushions off the couch. I finally got them to stop doing that but they won't stop trying to take my things. Just now I told everyone they need to be better behaved in my house. If they do even ONE more thing I don't like, I think I'm going to ban them. These are the only friends my kids have, but they're really, REALLY getting on my nerves and have no manners whatsoever. What should I do? Edit: Also I don't think they understand that I'm the mother and the lady of the house. I'm in my 20's but I look a lot younger and I'm really short. My daughter calls me "mom" right in front of them, but one day when she was talking to her Nana on speaker phone one of her friends asked her if she was her mom. I was right there! I couldn't get over that. Edit: I don't even know who their parents are. I suppose I can find out and talk to them. Thanks.

Public Comments

1. um..it's your house right? you are the adult aren't you? put your foot down and deal with it!
2. talk to the parent or when the kids show up, say that your daughter cant play
3. Talk to their parents about it. Tell them their kids are not behaving, and it's hard for you, because they're your kids' only friends. Tell them you just want everyone to get along, so it would help if they could ask their kids to behave better.
4. Call the parents and tell them their kids are not allowed over and if they do, you will call the police...
5. haha you could lock them outta your house or scare them reallly badly so that they dont wanna come back
6. You should talk to there parents about it cause really the parents can affect there child..then you can find out if the parents let them act like this at home..When you talk to them tell them that you want your daughter to be friends with them cause they are nice kids but it's just a few small things they are doing that bother you..avoid using the words you in the conversation and instead use I that way they don't feel like they are the ones with the problem cause that causes people to bring up defenses and they are less likely to listen
7. Lock your door and tell them that they cannot come in to play at the moment. Tell them you and your daughter are busy. Or tell them they are only welcome to play outside. Don't serve a snack. If they are hungry, tell them to go home and come back when they are done eating.
8. These actually could be warning signs that all is not well at their home! See if you can find out whether or not they even HAVE food and other things at their home, and if you suspect something's not "right" over there.......please call someone at your local police dept. to ask what can be done for them. You can be annonymous if you want to be.
9. First obviously they have no discipline ... anytime they come over and the first time they do something wrong send them home .. second time send them home and go with them and explain to the parents what is happening and if it continues on a third time send them home and tell them they are welcome back when they get some manners and learn how to behave... YOU ARE THE ADULT NOT THEM !!!!!!
10. Tell them to go home for the day, you can not put up with them taking things with out asking. Taking things without asking is not proper behavior and it is not how the world works, if they want something they need to ask first.
11. call their parents and tell them that their kids need to be better behaved when they come over to your house.. if they do and the problem continues then tell your kids' friends that they can't come over anymore and that your kids have to play at their house... of course tell your children to be nice at their house so they won't get kicked out like their friends did...
12. I don't know that talking to the parent is the right idea. I understand that they are the only kids your daughter has to play with, but I would not allow my children to play with kids like that. In fact we have people that live behind us, and their kids are hellions, and I have forbid my children from playing with them. I don't want my children to learn that type of behavior, so I don't want them around that atmosphere. I can find something else for them to do, or just spend some time playing with them myself. Don't allow other people's children to walk all over you, your kids learn from this, and you will regret it in later years. I hope this helps, and I feel for your situation.
13. Maybe u should talk 2 there moms! If that does not work ban them. Thats wut I would do. Alicia
14. Just keep sending them out, every time they act up. Eventually they will get the picture. Unless they are stealing or being very rude (remember rude for kids is not always the same as rude for adults), I would not involve the other parents. They may start to resent you, thinking you are on a high horse and think your kid is better than theirs. This would be unfortunate for your daughter and may carry farther than you expected. Stand your ground and think about this. Why do they want to come over? They obviously like you a lot and feel very comfortable with you. That says a lot about what kind of parent you are too!
15. That's also a warning to you be careful as a parent and be mindful of why these damn kids keep coming over all the time. Don't talk to the kids speak to their parents. tell them how the family has some things to do in the house and how your daughter is on a schedule to do certain activities in or around the house such as eating dinner, putting her toys away and bath time and how the excessive visiting can conflict on her plans at home. In a nice way tell the parents how you would love to schedule a appropriate time were you all can set up a play date where the kids can meet other than your house. that's as nicely as you can put it.
16. call their parents and ask them to help. after all they should have better control of where thier kids are. maybe when you get home lock your door? not every day but like everyother that way the kids have to find somewhere else to hang for the day. plus ask the parents if maybe you could have a play date at THEIR house since their kids always go to yours. get a lock for your bedroom door too that way they cant get to the paper, and hide the snack food there too. if it gets worse, have the kids sit down and tell them how you feel. be like ' it is nice that you guys come to hang with (your daughter's name) , but sometimes we need our own private time and I would like you to ask before coming over , just incase we're having a private time. I wouild also like if you could ask before entering my bedroom to get paper, or fridge to get food, after all i have to pay for it and it is mainly for our family. Those are my only problems. if you don't at least try to help then i will ask you to leave and you'll be banned for a week. Once again, it is nice that you like to hang out with -daughters name- at our housebut maybe sometime you could even hang out at your house? thanks kids'
17. I had to deal with a similar situation this summer except the kids came into my house only one time and they didn't distroy anything. There were 5 of them and I felt like their mom was looking for a babysitter. I didn't let my younger ones (ages 3 and 7) go outside without their older brothers. Since it was soooo hot, they didn't want to go out except to swim and we couldn't let the other kids in our swimming pool for liability reasons. That cut down on alot of it but I still had them knocking on my door before we were out of our pjs and atleast 2 other times a day . If I were you, I wouldn't let them in my house since they are basically stealing (taking without asking) from you and messing your stuff up. Let their mom know why you are banning them from your house. If she doesn't make them apologize to you, you might not want them playing with your kids anyway.
18. i would set the kids down and tell them how it is put your foot down show them who's boss eventually they will get the picture and stop hopefully
19. When they show up sit them down and tell them that there are house rules that have to be followed or they will have to leave. Explain that certain rooms are off limits to guest. They will have to follow your rules or go home. Also you need to talk to their parents.
20. You don't know their parents? But they are in your house? Do their parents know where they are? That just seems strange to me. There's no way my kids would be inside some strangers house! That just seems weird. Tell the kids that if they misbehave they are out and then follow through. If they sneak one thing you escort them out. The next time, you do the same thing. Stick to your guns and soon they will realize that you mean business!
21. It's always a good idea to know your childrens' friend's parents...so why not start now? Go over there and check them out-in the polite way of course. Then you can tell if these kids are acting crazy because they think they can get away with it, or truely poorly behaved because that's how they were raised. If their parents seem like decent people, I'm sure they would be horrified to find out that their child was acting like that and would be happy to fix the situation immediately. If their parents seem like the people that taught them how to act that way, I personally would just let them know that their children are not welcome at my house anymore. Your daughter can ALWAYS make new friends-most people don't keep friends for the rest of their lives that they meet at 5 years old anyway-and if they are that poorly behaved they might accidentally rub off on your daughter.
22. If you don't know who their parents are you shouldn't have them in your house. I wonder where these parents are. I think they are not good parents if they are some place they don't know where they are. Don't allow them in your house any longer.
23. You are allowing a group of older kids, whom you have no idea who the parents are, run roughshod over you in your own home. The first thing to do is simply...stop letting them in! The next time they show up, tell them that until you have met their parents they are not going to be allowed to come over. Ask for thier phone numbers and address (and this is something any parent should have for kids that spend time at thier home..what would you do if one of the kids was ill or injured?), speak with the parents and explain what is going on. Ask if they know where the kids have been and what they have been doing (ignoring house rules, taking food and items they have been told not to, sneaking into rooms that have been put off limits). Their reactions should give you a good idea of how much support you can get from them. After the coversation, you can decide on how to proceed. I will be honest, the older kids may be coming over simply because they can get food and do as they please. Very few 9 year olds would seek out a 5 year old as a playmate. If these kids do not actually play with your child, then it is pretty clear they have decided to come over to get what they want from you. Any of the kids that do not play with, are mean to your daughter or in other ways seem to be there for the wrong reasons should not be allowed in. The ones that are genuine friends should be allowed in, but the very first thing to do is sit down and explain the rules. I would even write them out and post them by the front door! You need to state simply what is ok and what is not, along with the fact that if anyone does not follow the rules, they will need to go home. If they repeatedly break the rules, you can then "ground" them from coming back and call the parents. You must take control back of your own home. The kids will only do what they think they can (and have been) getting away with.
24. <wyomugs tosses you two books> Nanny 911: Expert Advice for All Your Parenting Emergencies by Deborah Carroll and Stella Reid ASK SUPERNANNY: WHAT EVERY PARENT WANTS TO KNOW by Jo Frost Both available on Amazon.com GOOD LUCK!
25. Been there. Done that. When my children were at home, it seemed as if every little stray showed up at our door. I learned to chill and enjoy. I always had a big pot of pinto bean & cornbread ready for whoever was hungry. Children are children & they will TRY you. Why, they are trying their independence, learning to be adults. Love them & yourself enough to guide them in the right direction of adulthood. They will learn to respect you and learn how to be responsible adults. You are not there to be their friend, you are their role model. Set YOUR rules but do not expect them to follow them especially if you don’t enforce them. One day they will be a part of the memories you hold most dear when you had your children at home. PS: If you need time out, call time out.
26. We used to have a neighbor who did that too. Just tell them before they leave to make sure they call before they come over. Your daughter is only five so I don't know if she can tell them for you. Tell them over the phone to bring snacks if they're hungry because you cannot be giving out food all the time, that you're on a budget, or that you're low on food. Be silly when they come over (so they don't think you're being rude). Make them recite the rules before they enter (do it a few times and they'll get it). Try and be patient with them, they're only kids. Good luck.