Bedroom Talk
how do i tell my boy fried i don't want his kids to come over.?
i know that sounds terrible. I will try to explain. First of all, i never know if they are comming or not, which makes it difficult to plan any activties or even dinner. When they do come, it is not for long, and I am rushed to get dinner cooked and feed them. I have 2 children of my own and the age diffrence is is great. Mine are 4&8 his are 12&15 ,so they have diffrent sets of rules. It is hard for my children to seehis kids be able to do things they can't. Basically when they come over my house and routine are turned upside down. My kids share a bedroom, and there is no room for his. Honestly, I don't really like them too much. They are BRATS and they go back and tell their mother everything that goes on at my house, so I have to walk on eggshells around them. I have tried in the past to work it out. My boyfriend purposely keeps that part of his life seperate from me, but he is helping me raise my children, and they have a father whom they see regularly. Wow, my spelling was terrible, but you get the point.
Public Comments
- If he's an ass,throw him out and that will take care of the kids thing too. It sounds like your just a tool in his plot to look good for his part in taking care of his responsibility to his kid's.
- There is no easy answer to your question. I have been married for 6 1/2 months. I have two children, 4 and 7. He has a 14 year old who lives with us. He also has three children who don't. He has brought them home unexpectedly before, and I have been in the same dilema as far as dinner, etc. I know it is hard that these kids have a different set of rules than my own, and his daughter that lives with us, because their mother has an extreme lack of discipline for these kids. My husband lets them get by with far too much because of this. It causes our kids here to constantly play the "it's not fair" card as well. And, frankly, it's not fair. What in life is, though? I am not about to divorce my husband because of this. We, too, have talked, and really got nowhere. All I can say is what he says to me. They are his kids, and I have to deal with the consequences. I decided to be with this man, and all that comes along with him. The kids, now are a part of me. It's not easy at all, but it has to be done, for I love this man too much to let his kids come between us permanately. If you truly love this man, then you have to accept his kids as a part of him. If it's not in you to be there in every way, then you need to let him go. The sooner the better for you, your kids, him and his kids. If you keep him around and your kids get attached, it will be that much harder. There is a lot to think about with kids involved. Relationships cannot be a game, they have to involve the children, also. So, be careful in your decision.
- This is a delicate situation because obviously it is important to do what is right for the kids, both yours and his. I think it is great that he has contact with his kids and it is important. However, if he loves you and wants to remain with you he needs to respect you and your kids also. The two of you need to have a chat and set some rules and boundaries. This is not only just good for your relationship but for the kids also. I know divorced parents often are afraid to establish rules because then their kids won't want to do things with them but it is for their own good ultimately. Set up a plan for when his kids are going to come and if it is not planned and he can't control the timing then he needs to take them some where else for supper rather than expecting you to feed them in an instant. Set rules for behavior in your house and discuss what the punishments are when those rules are broken and stick to them. This is not just for his kids good but also for yours because if they see rules applied equally they will be more likely to follow them as they get older.
- Perhaps you can talk to him and see what you can sort out. It would certainly be better if he could tell you earlier so you can make plans for them. It will be an ongoing issue for your relationship so you need to sort things out both with your kids and his kids. You want to avoid having a situation where he perceives that you are asking him to choose between you and his kids.
