Bedroom Talk

Is it mandatory for married couples to sleep in same bedroom for all 7 days of week ?

Take my question seriously. Obviously when you have to share thoughts or for some obvious reasons you will have to be in same bedroom. But I think some days I would prefer to be alone in the bedroom so that I can listen to music I want , work on my laptop , have my favorite coffee or just enjoy my lonelism. In short I can get the space and freedom I wish to have. I am sure you cannot have it when a guy is sleeping next to you all 7 days of week. Sometimes I may even like to sleep in kid's room and entertain them. So I am suggesting you and your spouse can have separate bed rooms with a facility of double beds. I want very frank answers. Has anyone thought like me ? If majority feel this question is stupid then I will delete it ! But express your views. Edit - Thanks for such frank answers ! I think married couples can add more fun and excitement in married life if they have separate bed rooms. There will be privacy at the same time you can have intimacy when you feel like. We need to change our mind set , views and concepts about relationship after marriage. Women do required their privacy and space even after marriage. Marriage does not mean you own or possess each other as someone has said.

Public Comments

1. I don't think that it's mandatory. Since you are married, it's important that you spend a good amount of time together, but especially for introverted people, having time to yourself is important in order to feel refreshed. As far as wanting to sleep in the kids room at times, I think that's just being a good parent. This could obviously get carried away, but I think the important thing with this topic in general is using moderation.
2. I do take your question seriously, and no, it is absolutely not mandatory. I know several married couples who have their own rooms and do exactly what you said: they spend some nights together and some nights apart. The reasons are many: 1) Snoring 2) Different work schedules 3) One likes to fall asleep with music or TV; the other doesn't 4) One tosses & turns a lot and makes it difficult for the other one to sleep 5) One sometimes like to watch movies late into the night on weekends 6) Just needing a little space There are so many really important things that make a good marriage: trust, respect, fidelity, etc. etc. I actually think that a little bit of space can strengthen a marriage and give each person some alone time to be at one with their individualism. Some people never want to be apart. But no, your question is not stupid and you bring up some very valid points. :)
3. That is what my wife and I do. We used to share the same room but after the kids grew up and moved out we had plenty of space. Since I get up very early for work and my wife does not, it just makes sense to sleep in different bedrooms. That way she can watch TV late at night and I can go to bed early and I can get up early and get ready for work without disturbing her. We have been married for 30 years and have a very close relationship. When we travel for vacations we sleep together but not usually when we are home. I have news for you. I know some pretty wealthy people and most sleep in separate rooms. It is a luxury to have all that space and your own retreat. Doesn't mean you do not engage in relations, now does it? *
4. The answer to this question is something you should be talking to with your spouse. I used to know a newly married couple that slept in separate rooms, who where my neighbors. They were in love with each other deeply, they just couldn't stand sharing a bed every single night.
5. My Wife and I have separate bedrooms and we sleep together on the weekends. During the week, I sleep in my own room because I go to bed much earlier than my Wife and have to wake up much earlier than she does so that I can get to work. It works better for us to sleep separately on weeknights.
6. Not at all. You remind me of this article I read at the BBC website. In fact, before the Victorian era it was not uncommon for married couples to sleep apart. In ancient Rome, the marital bed was a place for sexual congress but not for sleeping.
7. Lots and lots of people don't sleep in the same bed as their spouse; sometimes it has to do with snoring or noxious gasses, sometimes it is a norm in certain cultures and classes, sometimes a little distance enhances sexual interest. For me, ever since I was an infant I have not liked to have anything in bed with me: I regularly threw my nighttime bottle out of my crib, never had dolls or stuffed animals in bed, and in hot weather would strip the sheets off the bed in my sleep. Sleeping with a large person in bed with me was uncomfortable and made me very cranky; life was a lot better when we had two beds in the same room. I don't see anything wrong with your plan.
8. obviously you need to sleep in a different room than your spouse from time to time repetition in a relationship bores it down. of course you need your alone time to think and enjoy yourself
9. If your married to a man who don't work and is home 7/24/365 then yeah I would have to agree with you, but if your married to a man who goes to work and is gone most of the day then you ought to have the free time that you seek, most couples can't handle being with each other like that everyday of their marriage, so your idea of having double beds is way out there girl, you must not be in the USA based on your questions here, because most married women don't like being alone during marriage. I do take the question seriously by the way, but I disagree with your idea that it is okay to sleep alone while married, and you kind of discount your question when you say maybe go sleep with the kids, you should entertain them during the day when your waiting for your husband to come home to you and entertain you with his company, or why marry the guy to begin with?
10. There is nothing wrong in what you think. It is almost impossible to find a match that is 100% like you. So you need space. You need to reinvent yourself. So this is right to sleep in other rooms - kids, alone and all that. So you can well appreciate how it is to be alone and with the other people. I have found that children of 15 year old announce they are big enough and do not need emotional support. But lately I found it is not so. It makes hell of difference if you sleep with them and do little emotional talk. That boosts their morals thru sky. Good thinking. Keep it up,
11. Nothing wrong in what you are thinking. Many couples do have separate bedrooms as you have said. Wherever there are no space constraints , it is perfectly ok idea to have separate bedroom , so that husband and wife can have their own lifestyle , own agenda and schedule. Spending some nights with kids is a good idea. Many kids think that their mom and dad have priority on each other and some of them actually need mom or dad to sleep next to them occasionally. However in some Asian countries this idea will not be well accepted as husband and wife are supposed to inseparable and integral part of each other even in bed , and whatever may be habits of husband - drinking , snoring , smoking - poor wife has to tolerate it. So in these countries your ideas may not be implementable. Good thoughts Pinki !
12. when I was 32 and 10 years into marriage, I felt overwhelmed by having to share every night with my husband and so I bought another queen size bed and put it in the spare room. We reignited the passion in our relationship because we had our own time out to do what we wanted and I would invite him over for a night or two at "my room". It was fun and we ended up going back to the same bed in winter. I highly recommend it
13. 100 % I agree... No problem is there... But some people will think that "If we sleep in different room.. There will create gap between us"........ No gap will create.... Please dont delete this question....... I accept your suggestion... Fantastic....
14. Not a stupid question, but certainly gives some idea for some people who are looking for. If the family have the luxury of having, it is possible and ofcourse it is practical when they r not going on well. But that may put them away more better. Many times being closer may heal some times but easy to stay away can keep things away better. I would suggest a separate room for all those things u said, wanted to do, but not separate room. If the love is so deep that rooms cant separate them, then not a problem. Hope u remember in Ramayan. Bharath's mother stayed in a room meant for declaring angerness by queens in a palace. Shooka Griha? So it exists from time immemorable.
15. Omg that's what I'm talking about!! I feel so much better having my own bed.. I'd think it was probably healthier.. The only problem wih it would have to be if you had some whine-o codependant boyfriend or spouse who was threatened by the "distance." I think it sounds very cool.. My partner thinks it's "weird." Then again, he'd also want to fall asleep at the same exact time too. That's just weird and stifling to me. He says the idea of seperate beds or rooms is very weird to him and is about as strange as the idea of threesomes. I don't dig threesomes but I think the whole ideal of having one bed and one bedroom is really unneccesary to live up to. It's sort of fake and not cool. It's an obligation. Unsexy. I like the idea of having seperate bedrooms and sleepovers. Lucy and Ricky had seperate beds.. (I Love Lucy.)
16. i totally agree with you .
17. No it's not mandatory because everything is negotiable. So doing your own thing would be OK if you both agreed self time was OK. Why not your own bed, sounds fine with me discuss it though. Your last sentence is very accurate, how many get it wrong though... trillions..? Best Wishes. Good On You! Mars Mission. 14th Year Psychology Student.