Bedroom Talk

kid's counselor advised me to stop visitation to NCP. he has also moved- refuses to give new address. advice?

despite serious concerns I had about visitation, he was awarded limited unsupervised visitation. I complied, but he would often not have food, neglected a medical problem that landed her in an ER, kept her truant from school, and isolated in a tiny bedroom with him the entire visit (rents a room in a small house with unknown roommates). dozens of other issues as well. child's counselor advised me to stop visits and file an ex parte- I did. denied until hearing. for her safety and welfare I refused to allow visits. hearing is in less than two weeks and he has now moved without a forwarding address or phone (disconnected). left messages on my home phone he wouldn't see her for months but replied to court he wanted no change to visits. what now? don't qualify for legal aid, can't afford an attorney- I spend all my $ on my daughter, there is no support order (he has next to no income). ideas? he is statinghe wants me jailed for contempt. state is CA. Papa bear I am sure you are a strong advocate for caring dads who don't get the rights they deserve but could you for one moment STOP assuming every mother out there is a vindictive witch out to use the kids to her advantage? I have bent over backwards to keep a relationship between them, even when he was homeless, even when he would disappear for months at a time, even when he was jailed and even with active restraining orders in place due to DV issues. I'm asking for supervised visits until he can demonstrate stability- not termination of rights. this is about HER, not HIM so kindly get off your high horse and open your eyes to the fact that some fathers aren't worth the title. btw I've been on Yahoo for 11 years with this screen name, it isn't new. paranoid much? others contributing- you are appreciated. taking some steps already and will put other suggestions to use. we both thank you deeply.

Public Comments

1. You can plead your case directly to the judge, without an attorney. Let the judge know of the conditions that your child is in when they visit him. You have every right to deny visitation if you feel your daughter is in danger, which she obviously is. You can also ask for a visitation hearing to change the order, in family court, you don't need a lawyer. Keep records of what is going on when she does visit him, keep records of how you don't have his address, etc. Good luck sweetie, I know it's not easy.
2. I guess it depends on the state you are in as far as the laws go.. But from what i know.. He should have to tell you where he is seeings as he still wants visitation of his daughter. Try this link below.. It is of course for the state of maine. But it might give you some ideas or a number you can call for your area. Good Luck to you and i would feel the same why you do if i were in your shoes.
3. That stupid Mildred thing is really helpful. Have you considered getting CPS involved? Wouldn't they have to find evidence of neglect, anyway? Did you think of letting him visit her at your house? It's hard to know what to say. It sounds overwhelmingly bad. Good luck.
4. Stay calm. report to the court date with all of your evidence. Try with all your might to get some sort of legal help to get a support and visitation order of some kind in place. Do not talk to him at all until after the hearing. Keep all messeges he leaves, if he says weird stuff you have it on tape legally, as he knows he is being recorded. Do not say anything bad about him to your daughter. If she askes about him just tell her that he is in a bad place in his heart right now and she needs to give him some time. The NCP will sometimes spout things that do not make sense especially if they are losing control of a situation. Do not react to it, you are doing fine doing the things that you are doing right now. Ask your counselor of they have any suggestions for legal help that might be more affordable, sometimes they have really good connections. Until you are in court, take the time to just relax, reflect, gather your thoughts and pray. Do not try to control too much. Play cards or games at home with your daughter and spend time making sure she knows you are there for her. I went through this for years the same thing over and over. I left the state we were in and came back to my home where my family is. I raised her on my own with little contact with her father. She is 20 now and understand that he is a flake and that I did my best. You will survive and you will be amazed at how fast if flies by. It is his loss to be flaky and not be a grown up in his relationship with his daughter. he has worse issues than this to settle for himself. maybe he needs to to that before he can be a good dad. Until then, protect her and do what is best for the situation. You will be ok. Just BREATHE. I feel for you! Much love and peace for you and your daughter!
5. You need to talk to the counselor and have a written report from her, even better would be her coming to court with you and give her professional opinion. I hope you saved the message that he left on your phone because they can hear for themselves that he isn't going to be there, and at the present time you have no way of getting in contact with him. He can say he wants you jailed for contempt, but that is only to try and scare you into doing what he wants. You also need to request child support, it isn't your problem that he doesn't have a job, that is his. If he does have some income than part of it goes toward the support of his child. You have to hold your head up and do what you know is right for your child. Bring witnesses to court with you, the more the better.
6. ├┬┤═┬┬ Mothers never get jailed, fined, or otherwise for denial of visitation, which happens in 60% of the cases, as mothers don't like obeying court orders. False claims and allegations run even higher, along with attempts to alienate the children from the father. Noting that you have a newly created Profile, I wonder who you were, or are, before? Stupid Things Parents Do to Mess Up Their Kids http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Stupid-Things-Parents-Do-to-Mess-Up-Their-Kids/Laura-Schlessinger/e/9780060933791/?itm=12 Fatherless America : Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Fatherless-America/David-Blankenhorn/e/9780060926830/?itm=1 Stanford University Divorce, Nontraditional Families, and Its Consequences For Children "We know that children of divorced parents have more emotional and behavioral problems and do less well in school than children who live with both their Parent." http://www.stanford.edu/~rmahony/Divorce.html Fortune Magazine “Ominously, the most reliable predictor of crime is neither poverty nor race but growing up fatherless.” http://money.cnn.com/magazines/fortune/fortune_archive/1992/08/10/76732/index.htm Father Makes Two Time Magazine By Margot Roosevelt Sunday, Nov. 11, 2003 http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,183968-1,00.html
7. Ok you can do this and Ill try to help you. Go to court without a lawyer if necessary. The Judge will appoint you one if he thinks its necessary but just tell the Judge everything thats been going on and why you took the action you did. This is all any attoney will do for you, just convey your words to the Judge for you and charge you for saying something you can do too. What contempt? I dont see any as hes endangering and neglecting the well being of his daughter here, not you. You only just have to explain it all to the Judge and let the Judge decide everything. You dont have to prove him guilty here. Judges are quite used to seeing people represent themselves in courtrooms nowadays and fuly understand you arent an attorney so they do help you along the way. Its not as bad as it seems and since this isnt a criminal court, theres no jury to impress. Its quite easy as a matter of fact as long as you can talk, youll be just fine. Good luck
8. Its different state to state. My x sounds very similar, no showers, stays up all night, doesn't feed him, no discipline, badmouths me & my family. I would say that in the most severe cases its neglect, and I don't have much ground to stand on BESIDES THE RECORDS I KEEP. Keep specific records of when what where for the courts. You can provide the courts with that information. If he wasn't a danger to your daughter, you wouldn't with hold visits....in many cases you could be charged with contempt for it but in this case I would hope that a judge will see the truth. Check out public assitance legal aid and child protective services. They will help document his abuse.....Best wishes!